Unbreakable Determination ~ In the beginning

It's hard to believe there might have been a vision before it all began. A blog that might have been  a glimpse of who I was going to become. Sometimes I think it was in me all along. That person who was longing to break free. To just stretch and become. I wrote this in September 2011. It was a almost a full year before I would run my first 5k. Amazing it is the verses I use today to motivate me and encourage me. It is the basis of The Orange Shirt and why I run. The pre-curser of the person I would become. It is almost eerie in the beauty. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

I have a confession to make. I have always wanted to be a runner. I have always thought that a person who ran for sport or for exercise was...well, for lack of a better word...cool. It always seemed like that a person who ran had strength. Power. Control. The way the arms and legs and body moved in such a fluid motion (most of the time) was just awesome to me. I have never been a runner. I have always been overweight. I have always lacked some form of coordination. Somehow when I try to run my body doesn't want to work the way I imagine a runner's body is to work. My arms don't move fluidly. My legs don't move fluidly. My body does some herky jerky thing that is...well, for lack of a better word...not cool. I have always dreamt  of being a runner. However, my reality is that I just am not a runner. At least, not in this reality. So why would Paul write for us to RUN with perseverance? UGG!! He just loved writing in sports analogies. Such a "guy" thing. Now that my body is 'broken' the likelihood of me ever becoming a runner is even less likely than it was when I was a teenager. But I think to take the running out of context of the entire scripture is a tough nut. The scripture clearly says "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Oh...no you just did not! A RACE marked out just for ME?!? I...AM...B-R-O-K-E-N!!! Did God not get the message that I cannot run a race? Maybe I should just help remind him that I am broken. Wait!!! He allowed this to happen to me and now He wants me to RUN a RACE?!? Maybe I should tell him that I "think" this race is too hard! That's the ticket. This race is too hard!! I can't do it any more because I am broken. My body hurts and hurts baaaddddd. Maybe I should tell him I don't want to do it. I'm going to just stop right now. I'm going to pull a toddler moment and lay down on the ground and kick and scream (within reason because remember my body is broken) because I DON'T WANT TO RUN THIS RACE!!!!!! I am tired and I am slow. I am dragging my feet. No running here. Wait...there is more scripture....

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition  from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

When I hurt and am in the most pain that I have ever felt, I call this "I want to meet Jesus" pain. Yet, Jesus suffered more pain that I will ever know. I know I have a broken body, but Jesus was beaten to death for me...for you. He suffered the ultimate broken body. His "race" to the cross was a slow, painful, broken path to Golgotha and he did it out of his love for you and me.

When I don't want to "run" my "race" any more because I "think" my pain is too much to bare, I need to focus my eyes on Jesus. My race is marked out for me just like Jesus' race was marked out for him. He was not a marathoner, but he crossed the finish line to make sure that we could all live an eternal life. So right now, I just need to press on even if I "think" it is too hard or I don't want to because I have a race to finish.

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I am going to blog about my races. Each one is unique and has a story to tell. I need to share them. I need to share my story and to share the people who were there and the faces behind the stories. I hope through this blog that it encourages you. Motivates you. Maybe gets you to move to your first race or want to run your next race. For me, it will just be a marker of journey. One that led me from the person who was in great pain but am now running races and enjoying life. Welcome to my story. Welcome to the journey of a lifetime.