Running to Jesus ~ Study of John Day 7

Do you know what makes me sad about John 7? Many disciples deserted Jesus during this time. Deserted Jesus. Seriously!! They were like "Dude...what you are teaching is too hard for us." TOO HARD?!? You've seen miraculous things. You've watched this Man of God WALK ON WATER and yet...what he was telling you was TOO HARD?!? They were right there. They could see Him. Touch Him. Feel Him and they choose to walk away. 

Yet...they stayed. 12 of them. Jesus choose them. He called them out. He called them by name. He asked them "You do not want to leave too, do you?" And Simon Peter says (AND don't we know HIS story!) "Lord,to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know you are the Holy One of God." Go Peter Go!! 

Today is the day we lost my sister in law to cancer 12 years ago. I got on the treadmill and ran/walked 4 miles in her honor. I have a cross-stitched picture I had made for my grandmother in 1994 hanging there. My grandmother passed away unexpectedly 8 years ago in January as well. The picture is to remind me to keep on persevering in spite of it all. On Saturday, I ran/walked 7 miles and noticed cobwebs. I cleaned them off. Today, cobwebs where back. As I was running, I kept thinking "Why would that spider choose to create a web again?" A living creature leaving behind a dead reminder of it's presence. I was just going to clean it away. Why would it do it? Will it build it again? Leave another dead reminder of it's presence yet again. I got thinking. Is that what we do with our lives? Do we constantly leave dead reminders of our presence in people's lives that are so offensive to them that all they want to do is wipe them away? "Sorry Kristina, what you are doing is TOO HARD!! I can't stay in your life...I have to cut you off! I can't be your sponsor any more. I can't acknowledge your Facebook statuses. I have to either 'hide' or 'delete' you because you are so offensive to me." Am I that to those people? Am I the spider or am I being Jesus to them? You can be around me. Touch me. Feel me. Who am I being? The spider or Jesus in people lives? Are you wiping me away because I am offensive or just TOO HARD? 

I have to laugh because this kind of goes along with yesterday's blog. "Well, if I 'like' her stuff, she might take it the wrong way and become 'too full of herself.' " Where is the humility in that? Once again...the spider or Jesus-hearted woman? The spider only builds her web for the benefit of herself. To catch food. To lay her eggs. To become mobile. It is self serving. It becomes a trap for all who are around that web. 

So yes...today...today...doubt has overcome. I choose the hard path. I choose to stay with Jesus. I choose to stay with Him even if that means that others will walk away because it is "too hard". Sure, I'll make mistakes. I might go overboard. I might become too radical. Too zealous. But in the end, your opinion doesn't matter. Like me or wipe me away. I will always survive because I have become a true Jesus-hearted woman. I know that and that is where I will always be second. 

Running to Jesus ~ Study of John Day 6

This past month, God has been doing a work in me. He has been showing me the difference between Humility and Insecurity. 

One is a Character Attribute. One is a Character Defect. I bet you can only guess what I have. People have mistaken my insecurity and lack of self-worth for humility. I do not have humility. I have insecurity.

Humility is God-focused and comes with a true understanding of your place and moment with Him. You don't need titles or awards because you know where your true worth stands in.

Insecurity is Me-focused. It rests on the fact that you are scared of who you might become and what others think of you. If God calls you to do something and someone doesn't agree with that calling, you become inward focused instead of God-focused. You start doubting The One that has had your life planned since the dawn of all creation. He knew you in your mother's womb. Your own mother did not really know you from the time you were first conceived. Sure, she might have known when she was newly pregnant, but only God knew YOU. He knew and had plans for you. So, why start doubting those plans? 

Because the day you were born, Satan starts to get to know you as well. He doesn't want you to follow the Will of God, nor does he want you to help others down that path either.  He, too, is the master of plans. He is patient and has lots of time to study you. By the time you have reached the Age of Accountability, Satan knows how to get to you. Not in a swift and mighty way, but a slow and deceitful way. He spends years executing his plans. Satan does a dance to take you away from God and what God's will is for your life. He slowly lays out his plans for you, and hopes that you fall in line with him and not God. Because we live in a fallen world, Satan's ways, to us seem so enticing and so much easier to follow. But are they really? Are they really freeing? I, personally, can tell you they are not. They just lead to a lot of the same chains and bondage that you started with. Satan is the Master of Lies. 

Humility or Insecurity. I have asked God to break the chains of Insecurity in my life. Chains that I have been bound to since I was a little girl. I prayed just today that may no one trip over me that wants to be closer to God. My mission. My vision is in line, right now with what God wants. Sometimes obedience to God is not easy because being God-focused is not the "popular" path. People question your motives. They have lots to say in it. AND if you do have the Character Defect of Insecurity...well...it may...no...it will...throw you off track. I know...it did and I don't want to think of how many days were wasted or how many lives might be affected because of getting off-track. 

So what is so important to me that I am willing to trade the Character Defect of Insecurity for the Character Attribute of Humility. The Kingdom of God. I know everyone should have what I have. Freedom. I am more content and freer than I have ever been. All because I have chosen to break the chains of who I was and always remember...I am second. 

Running to Jesus ~ Study of John Day 5

I look up every time I enter church. Is it because I'm really holy?!? OH NO!!! It's because Jesus knows everything...EVERYTHING about me and I want to make sure the roof isn't going to cave in. Seriously...I want to make sure. 

Jesus came into the world to save sinners ~ of whom I am the worst! But for the that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, THE WORST OF SINNERS, Christ Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:15-16 (emphasis is mine)

I have spent most of my life in shame. All the "wrong" I have done could write a book. And boy, people can let you know that. They look at you the "right" way when you walk into a room. Or they say something to you OR worse yet...they don't say anything AT ALL!!

My hubster and I have a favorite thing about "Christians". Those that walk right by you and shake hands with other Christians or talk to them, but *gasp* don't acknowledge you AT ALL!! Oh...Yeah...remember that "sin" you did. Maybe?!? 

But I am soooo grateful that Jesus sat right down there at the well and said to the Samaritan woman "Woman...Give me a drink." WOW! He didn't mess around. He didn't look the other way. He didn't even pause for a moment. Just "Give me a drink." She was like "What the what?!?" 

THAT is how I want to be. I am not here to judge you and your sin. I am not here to judge how you got here. Your story is now. You want to judge me and my sin, well, that is for you to explain when you get to heaven, not me. 

I'm going to ask you for that drink because you are worth it. I'm going to ask you how you are. I am going to smile at you. I am going to shake your hand. I am going to just be "normal" with you. Or try to be if you let me. 

Jesus was just "real" with everyone from the lowest of the low to the highest of the high. Why? Because He knew the hearts of everyone. I do not know the hearts of everyone. (Thank you AGAIN Jesus!) But I do know that Jesus died for everyone and He would do it again.

I am the worst of sinners. The church's roof does not collapse when I walk in. For that, I am grateful. I am grateful that my life was planned before I was even born. All it takes is courage and a lot of humility. Because if there is one thing I know...I am and always will be second.