I haven't written a blog in a long time. Just so much going on, but I keep feeling this one and thought I should give it a whirl. The topic keeps coming up quite frequently lately in my life and in my thoughts. So, for me, it is sometimes easier for me to just write it all out.
I have heard the story of Mary and Martha since I was a little girl. Two women who served Jesus in two very different ways. They were sisters, but had two very different personalities. Every since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a Martha. To me, a "Martha" just has it all together. She is organized. She is industrious. She is behind the scene and is efficient. She never stands out. She just does the task set before her and does it well. In today's world, she has a beautiful, clean house. She makes Pintrest projects and excels at scrapbooking. She has a quiet spirit and very rarely stands out in a crowd. People will say "Wow, look at this wonderful spread. I bet that Martha put it together. She does such a great job." She will stand quietly in the corner if you even see her at all. She is strong and is there during trials. She is always dependable. Never late, nor does she forget anything. I long to be that woman. True, she has her faults. She is human. I don't argue that, but I long to be her. Quiet and dependable.
I tried very hard to be a Martha. Very, very hard. There was just one problem. I have a Mary personality.
I am that woman that people say "Don't I know you from somewhere?" Even tho we have never met. I am so disorganized that it is almost an organized mess because I can find everything in the mess. I get distracted by things. I am a great listener but hours can go by in a restaurant or at a park or any where with someone and I have forgotten to call the dentist or make something for dinner. I have half read books waiting for me. I start a craft project only to put it down and never to pick it up. I laugh loudly. I walk into a room and people either come to me or back away. I dance and sing in the streets. I admit, if Jesus were to walk into the church, I would not be thinking of the potluck we would be serving for the congregation. OK...who would but you could see where Martha would get upset at me if we were in a different time and place. Who am I kidding? Lots of "Marthas" in this world have gotten upset at me.
Then, I start feeling guilty. I feel like I should "tone it down" and be more like "Martha". I try really hard. I try not to post so much on Facebook. I try not to sing and dance in the streets. I try to organize my house. All. The. Time. It never lasts long. Never. It's like the ultimate FAIL. I'm constantly trying to be someone I am not. I am trying to fit a personality that I am not. I am trying to serve in a way that is not me.
So, just be you...you would say. It so easy to say that, but I see so many "Marthas" that I want to imitate and be like. I so want to have a quiet spirit and seem so serene and relaxed with life. But I am at peace most days with who I am, and that is what is important. I will always be a Mary. Wild and carefree at times. I live in a messy house. I get overly zealous and passionate about things. Maybe too zealous and passionate. I need to be reminded to do things. I need to have a good calendar and apps on my phone. I need to be OK that my world does not consist of Pintrest projects and scrapbooks that beyond creative. Because if we were all the same, what a boring life we would live.
I can't promise that I will not look at a "Martha" and think "Wow! To have it all put together!" But maybe that Martha is thinking "Must be nice to be able to walk into the room with people and make an instant friend." Maybe?
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