Running To Jesus ~ Advent Day 10

God doesn’t promise a pain-free existence. He promises to be with them. 
He doesn’t minimize their sin. He acknowledges and pardons it. ~ shereadstruth.com

I've been a busy woman. In a few days one of the biggest events that I have ever been a part of is going to happen. Christmas of Hope. Every time I think about it after this past Sunday I start crying, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. 

The last time I really enjoyed Christmas...just really took in and breathed the Christmas beauty, the meaning of it all, the gloriousness of everything...the lights, the love, the breathtaking moments...was maybe 2002. 

In 2003, my Sister-in-law died of cancer in January. She was 26. It almost destroyed our family. In 2004, my father was arrested. In 2005, he was sent to prison. We spent years lugging the "shame" of being "THAT" family.  THAT family!!! In 2008, my grandmother died. She was the only one who ever got me. In 2009, we became the POOR family with no jobs and having to go on government assistance. In 2010, I became THAT person who was diagnosed with an "incurable" disorder. No matter what, Christmas was not joyful. I "tried" to be happy for the kids, but most Christmases, I just wanted to go back to bed. I hated being around people. I hated going to Christmas parties. I hated food because it made me fat. I hated decorations because too many lights made for a higher light bill. Family would be crabby when we got together OR they would be sick...literally with the flu or something worse. I would pray for December would get over and get over FAST!!

This year...this year has been so different for me. God has really been speaking to me. Opening up my heart and feelings. Showing me things like never before. He never promised it would be easy. He just promised He would be there for me. For you. In our brokenness. In our loneliness. In our sickness. In our poorness. He is there. 

When I called Josh up in October to help with Christmas of Hope, I thought "Eh, I'll just do a smidge here and there." I never, EVER in a million years thought that God would heal ME! I haven't received one material thing from any of this, but He has shown me miracle after miracle. He has told me things that would happen that have come to truth. Why did intrust me with this knowledge? To humble me. To show me that there is peace to this season. To give ME HOPE!! I needed it! I needed to see that there was healing in the moment. 

My nativity has not been out of the box and tissue paper since 2002. Maybe it is time to get out that set I bought the first year I was married. The miss matched set with a weird looking Mary and Joseph. The one with a cow that looks drunk. I haven't seen them in years. They have been in a box for 12 years. I have buried Jesus in tissue paper, not just in my own life, but in real life as well. Hidden in my basement is a Baby Jesus that hasn't seen the light of day in over a decade. THAT makes me cry today. The light today that my Jesus is showing through me needs to be seen. Publicly and personally. I have changed. I am no longer the same. Yes...I am THAT person. No longer hiding. No longer ashamed of a past that I thought defined me. Jesus knows me and still loves me. He still loves you too. I want to be that person to tell everyone that. 

If I live 5, 10, 15, 100 years, I want to tell everyone that. I want to bring HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT to everyone. Your struggles are real. Your pain is real. Your Jesus...Your Comfort is real too. 

Tomorrow...I'll have a picture of my nativity for you. Because I am second.