Today, one stops and thinks about the lineage of the small baby from an unexpected, unknown shepherd boy, David to an unexpected, unknown girl, Mary. Chosen. Anointed. Neither one born into royalty but both made into a lineage of royalty like none other before or since. David ~ A man after God's own heart. Mary ~ A woman after God's own heart.
I know, for me, when my heart is following the Will of God, it changes me. I feel different. I feel different. Peaceful and at peace.
All my life people have told me "Relax Kristina. Just relax." It is hard for me to 'relax'. I get uptight and tense. I worry about too much stuff and overthink things. The problem with that is I tend to turn to the wrong things to 'relax'. For most of my life, it was food. I used food to help me relax. It became an addiction. When I had broken the chains of my food addiction, I was still having trouble 'relaxing'. I needed something to help me to 'relax'. I started finding that in alcohol. Then, one night I came home really relaxed. Laughing and giggling. Way too funny. I woke up the next day and realized that I had drove home drunk. It wasn't funny any more.
God had a plan for me. Drinking to relax wasn't in that plan for me.
I want to be Kristina ~ A woman after God's own heart.
I can't be that if I am allowing outside sin to distract me and give me a false expectation of 'relaxing' me. Now. Now I use God's word and His presence to help me 'relax'. I can't say that it has been easy. I still want to turn, at times, to food or alcohol to help me 'relax'. However, when I allow the Holy Spirit to 'relax' me the calm is so much sweeter and the mood is so much brighter.
I can hide from the world. I can look good from the outside. My statuses on Facebook, my Tweets on Twitter, my pics on Instagram can all look awesome. People can assume I am living a grand life. But if my heart is not right, God always knows. I will never be able to 'relax'.
My history. My lineage. What will it say about me if my heart is not one that is after God's own heart? Generations will be hurt. They will grieve. They need for me to break this pattern of abuse that has been cycling for generations in my family. It isn't about wealth or fame or prestige. It is about leaving behind a lineage that leaves a silent trail of men and women who all after God's own heart.
Because in the end, it is not about me. I am always second.
No comments:
Post a Comment